How much do you indulge other people’s influence and expectation, allowing it to colour your outlook and activity?
I must admit that I can be susceptible to feeling a bit wobbly and teary on occasions, especially in these Covid Times. However, on closer inspection I often realise it is because I have been listening to someone who is negative and controlling, allowing their words, thoughts and energy crash through my good mood, destroying my equilibrium and leaving me feeling flat and unsettled.
Crazy I know, but these things happen!
So how to handle these emotions or rather stop them happening in the first place?
Well, there are gazillions of self-help books on the subject – trust me I’ve read most of them - excellent therapists and, an array of meditation techniques, some of which I have tried and found extremely helpful (Check out: PlumVillage app).
But most recently, when I found myself disgruntled and discombobulated I suddenly felt so cross with myself for allowing a friend to ruin my day. It’s not her fault that she has a negative outlook on life, that’s her stuff. But it is my fault for taking it on board!
I suddenly realised how much of my life is spent trying to fulfil what I believe to be other people’s expectations. And this might be quite simple things such as getting together for a coffee. A friend says to me; “well, today is totally out of the question, but I could manage tomorrow.” And, although I already have three other things lined up, I will shift everything around in order to fulfil her expectation. Whatever happened to; “I’m sorry but tomorrow is out of the question for me, how about one day next week?”
You are probably shaking your head and laughing at my stupidity and quite right – I am too!
But I don’t think I am alone. There are a breed of us who like to please people and along with pleasing them we get sucked into looking for love, approval and appreciation, as we navigate our way through life.
But I’ve decided that it’s got to stop! Simple as that. When I sense myself spiralling down I ask myself three questions:
· Whose pain, anger, frustration, etc. is this?
· Is there anything I need to know about it?
· Has it all gone yet?
This was a technique I learned from Jenny Pearce, Australian horse whisperer extraordinaire and, it works!
It may sound daft but often the way your energy field has been pushed out of whack has nothing to do with you. Everything is made of energy and we often don’t realise how easily other people’s emotions and energetic detritus can affect us.
As I mention above, I realised that the fact that I felt rubbish was all to do with the negative and controlling emotional charge coming out of the person I was talking to. It was making me feel teary and upset but once I realised it had nothing to do with me, the feelings melted away. She was the one feeling angry and frustrated, not me!!
So then I ask my inner self if there’s anything else I need to know about the situation? In this case, only the fact that I need to be more aware when listening to people on their hobby horses, so as not to get sucked into their drama.
And the final question, how am I feeling? Well, I’m feeling great. I’m feeling strong and determined not to allow this particular person undermine my happiness and energetic balance. I shall be on my guard, metaphorically speaking, in the future. Able to enjoy their company but fully aware not to be influenced by their energy, or any expectation that I should clamber on their particular band wagon!
Freedom at last! It’s all in our head and we have the power to choose it…